i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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