The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
