...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
