i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
