So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
