you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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