I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
