gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
