her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
