I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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