I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
