Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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