i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
