Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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