about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
