he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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