I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
