oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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