Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
