I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
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Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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