All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
