Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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