Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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