Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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