Banned from zoo.
Again?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
