Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
