you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize