Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Terrible idea I love it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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