sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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