This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
