matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Two words: nipple clamps
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