let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
