Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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