She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
