I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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