they need to just BURY HIM!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
