remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
