Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
