I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
