I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize