oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
