I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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