She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
