So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
