ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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