6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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