I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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