he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
