I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
