im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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