I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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