I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
