he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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