Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
