I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
