last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
