I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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