Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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