I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
