There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
