i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
