I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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