He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
