if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
