I showed him my bush... on skype.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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