Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
