:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
