Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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