I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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