I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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