I seem to have left my pride at pride
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
