just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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