you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
