cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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