Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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