do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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