she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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