What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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