im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
