Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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