when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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