Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
