Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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