i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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