walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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