Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
