So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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