My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
