having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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