you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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