dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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