He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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