Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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